What do elves learn in school?
The Elf-abet!

What kind of bird can write?
A PENguin.

Why does Santa's sled get such good mileage?
Because it has long-distance runners on each side

Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?
because every buck is dear to him.

What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?
Crisp Cringle.

What did Santa shout to his toys on Christmas Eve?
Okay everyone, sack time!!

If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?
Missletoe!

Just before Christmas, there was an honest politician, a kind lawyer and Santa Claus travelling in a lift of a very posh hotel. Just before the doors opened they all noticed a $5 dollar bill lying on the floor. Which one picked it up??
Santa of course, the other two don't exist!

What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!

What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmastime?
Sandy Claus!

How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
Fleece Navidad!

If Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus had a child, what would he be called?
A subordinate claus.

Did you hear that one of Santa's reindeer now works for Proctor and Gambel?
Comet does clean sinks.

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobic.

What do you do if Santa gets stuck in your chimney?
Pour Santa flush on him.

What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes.

Why does Santa have (3) gardens?
So he can ho-ho-ho.

Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
Because he had low elf esteem.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.

What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
Ribbon hood.